the last i heard,
you got upset over a photo of me and a friend
lying next to each other with no physical contact.
but it was okay for you to put up 2 photos i shouldnt explain,
and 2 other of you and her lying next to each other.
physical contact? no need to say.
see, i told you youre confused.

the last i heard of all these
was from 2 different people
of the extreme opposite.

somehow, situations just simply
made them similar.
i wonder why.

oh, and i didnt know using the word
“clubbing” jatuhkan my maruah
and “fucking cheebai” is not an insult.

wow. so many things learnt.

btw, i still think guys are the same
ABCs whether or not he prays.
**somehow this doesnt apply
to any YCP guys (dun drop my waterface k)
**definitely doesnt apply to Saifuddin Salleh(:

unless proven otherwise(:

Her job? Waitress at Venus.
Sometimes have to give extra services
to special clients for extra income.
But she rejects some cos standard too low.
And pushes the rejected ones to her bestfriend.
Like trash(:

So, this is Sandy,  afew years ago.

trust.
its like a piece of glass..
first scratched.. then cracked..
then broken..
there’s no way for it to be fixed perfectly without
seeing the crack lines..

society..
its funny how one person may tarnish the image
of others just by a mistake too..
for example, inn here, the recent posts has been about guys..
one mistake from one guy, may affect the image of other guys..
it may cause the thing of whether or not he’s trustworthy..
or sincere.. or not at all..

but trust, isnt just about guys..
us, girls too…
just anyone.

just one lie, trust is broken..
next things said, the other party will hesitate to trust/believe.

now, how do i know i can trust..?
how long must i know you to trust you?
my aunt, even knowing the guy for 8 yrs,
he broke her trust…
so, 8 yrs not long enough?

him, i trusted him not to hurt me..
but he did in many different ways he never knew,
or chose not to notice..
even if i said i was hurt, what can he do right?
cos to him, he’s not hurting me..
so, its okay for him not to care that im hurt right.
im just a girlfriend… as far as i know, im no diff
from his other girl friends rite?
so why should i bother..

the fuck i bothered.
because he was my fucking boyfriend.
someone i trusted, i leaned on, i seek for support..
and what did i get? a shove.. a push..
and where did the reassurance go?
oh, i think it evaporated..

everytime i look a new friend,
i’ll start to think.. is he/she telling the truth?
but i wont be able to tell whether he/she is not lying..
why? just because of one person…
just one person, can spoil another person’s ability to trust again.

tell me how do i know when to trust people?
is he or she worth my trust?

and tell me why..
why should i even trust you?

and you see, the issue of guys cheating on a girl
behind her back is increasing..
one example is the post before this..
that no good of an asshole i fell for..
another good example is, my aunt’s ex-fiance.

they have known each other for 8 bloody years
before they actually got engaged…
supposedly engaged for 2 yrs…
after 1 yr… caught having a relationship with sum1 else.
BABI. this is what i call GELOJOH nak mampos..

and the other example is.. my fren..
she had one asshole after another…
one was a long relationship of about 6years..
caught red-handed popping that other bitch’s cherry
at his place.. jantan setan betol..
den the other one.. almost went into engagement..
but she found out he had someone else too..
gatal nak mampos..
and this is what i call “konek dah gatal”
im sorry for using such words but seriously.. they are shit.

thats why i say…
if you guys want a girl for play, go geylang lah cibai.
if that girl is serious about you, and ure not ready, just tell her straight in the face
that you just want someone to fuck..
i swear when you say that, we back off lah sia..
we wont want you if thats what you want..
so dont fucking worry about us getting hurt and all..
yes, we get hurt, but ure not worth a single second of our time okay..

just so you know, im not putting any guy down..
im not aiming at any particular person i know..
im just talking about these guys mentioned, who only lives life
for sex..
but if you terase, sorry, but not everything is about you..

and i can also say there are good and nice guys around..
but guess what, most are either attached, engaged, married
or too busy thinking about girls..
some, are just to shyy..
and i am not blaming any of them..
thank you for reading…

ye la.. kena goda pompan sexy jer, steam..
pompan ckp ure cute jer, bangga… kepala membesar.
setan betol.
org suroh pose tak senonoh ngan pompan, bole dgr ckp.
dengan aku, malas la.. manje lah..
den, ckp, its just a photo. setan.
photo intimate gitu, lainkali, bukak sluar jer.
da gatal sgt kan. gi buat ah..
suker kan? pegi lah.. esplanade ker.. favourite spot kan..
pegi tempat public..

abeh gambar nak sembunyi2.. setan..
dah letak kat pompan tu nyer frenster primary pic..
ingat aku bodoh? buta?

ye lah, jantan mcm kau yg suker sgt sweet talk
memang tak leh percaye..
ye lah.. suker kann bnyk2 pompan add kau pat friendster..
abeh ckp aku emo..
kau lah yg emo setan..
tgk mirror.. tgk rambot tu yg tajam2 mcm durian..
mata tu pakai celak cam pompan..
and if you say its sunnah nabi, dont talk shit wif me eh..
sembahyang pun tak, saje nak ikot sunnah nabi..
gi mampos ah kau..

tadi gi hari raye dkt ngan rumah kau yg tak sebrape tu
mcm nak bakar je..
tapi tak sampai hati pasal takot mak kau ngan aidil ader..
aku dah lah syg your mum n aidil.
tak mcm kau..
tak pegi sembahyang jumaat, ckp sakit..
tak gi skola, gi lepak ngan kwn2 emo kau kat esplanade..
gi mampos ah ngan clan kau..
kau nak bantal kau sgt kkan..
kau tunggu ah.. tanak tunggu kau nye pasal..
in the meantime kau bole main ngan si sarah tu..
suker kan,, amek gambar dua2 bukak sluar..
BAGOS. AMALKAN SELALU. babi kau.

memang patot pun si aidil 3 yrs old suroh kau gi mampos.
nari aku nangis teringat kau pun tak guna.
kau dah la mcm setan.
tak tau camne pun diri bodoh aku ni masih terpikirkan
org mcm kau..

memnag jantan cam kau tak leh diharpkan..
entah jantan mane bleh diharapkan pun aku tak tau..

this is why i can never trust any guy that easily now.
pasal setan mcm kau bodoh.

and he still hasn’t changed since the last time i saw him.

aah, how i miss him..
how we first became close friends was a scary experience.
we dun even wanna speak of it..
and then, we had a HUGE QUARREL.
which made him and my best fren sandesh,
against me…
always hurling Nepalese vulgarities at me..

ahh.. okay.. my secondary school life
is what i call the Emotional Torture period.
everyone’s sec sch life was sumthing they missed greatly..
no doubt i miss it, but i miss the 20% of it..
the rest are all full of pain and torture..
and, it has scarred me for life…

okay, shant talk abt it now..
im hoping that i can sleep tonnite..
im worried about Naufal..
*prays*

Please give Sheikh Ahmad Naufal your strength Ya Allah. I’m praying
that he’s gonna be okay. I don’t want him to go through the surgery.
The success rate may be low, but, if he does go through to the surgery,
at least, please, let it be a success.. i can’t lose him..
at least not now.. not yet..

His existence brought about so many changes in me..
he’s brought back all the good in me.. he’s been a great friend.
please, he’s already gonna leave me once his NS is over.
Dont let him leave so fast.. let him stay..

i’m really worried for him Ya Allah.. Give him the chance to
at least meet his family again in Brunei.. Just for Syawal..
Oh God, please tell me that all of this is just a nightmare,
a joke..

I really hope he’s gonna get well and get through all this Ya Allah..
Naufal, please, be strong. Your family and I are worried…
Get well soon okay..

“Allahumma rabbannaas as hibilbaas ishfi antashaafi
laashifa’ah illashifau’

Oh Lord of mankind, remove his sufferings, cure him
for YOU are the healer. There is no cure except YOURS..”

..Amiin..